Author: Barb

“Is love, sweet love, not just for some, but for everyone.”

These are a few of the lyrics from a popular song that was released in 1965, the same year that I was born.  Apparently, it is a sign that I am supposed to spread the message of love.  Okay, maybe it’s not a sign, but it’s a good enough reason anyway.  Especially right now in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.

It’s natural for us to be stressed out and fearful right now.  And while we need to be cognizant of what is happening around us and stay healthy it is also a good time to recognize that there may be others who truly need our help.

I have read several stories this week that highlight the human spirit.  From those delivering food to people in need, teenagers offering free online tutoring, to people literally singing and playing musical instruments on their balconies in order to uplift the spirits of others.

Each and every one of us has an intense longing to be loved.  This is one of our most basic needs.  What we don’t always realize, however, is that we also have the basic need to love and care for others.  That is just how we are wired.  

Offering small acts of kindness towards others can fulfill this need within us.  It gives us a sense of purpose and generates happiness.  And we could all use a little more happiness right now. 

Many of us have been taught that happiness comes from outside of us, that is can be found in achieving success or wealth.  However, true happiness comes from inside of us.  Why do we feel so good when we help someone and practice generosity and love? Because it comes from a place inside of us where we tell ourselves that we have more than enough.  A place where we have everything we already need.  And from this place of abundance, we can afford to be generous with our time, our possessions and our love.

Being generous and loving undoubtedly boosts our own happiness levels.  It builds confidence and shifts focus away from ourselves.  Ultimately, it gives us a more outward view of the world.

In a time where we are easily caught up in scarcity thinking, we need to carefully walk the line between preparing and panicking.  And, now is the perfect time to practice generosity and love for a world in need.

Schools are closed.  Theaters and sports venues are shut down. Cruise ships, airlines and restaurants are restricted.    I have been trying to find my new normal this week after being sent to work from home at least until the end of the month.  Most everything in our world seems to be in upheaval.  More than once this week I have had to stop, take a deep breath and remind myself that this is all temporary and we will get through it.

It has been said that “Life is all about how we handle plan B.”

I guess it’s time for me to practice what I preach then, starting with acceptance.  Accepting the uncertain is never easy and requires ongoing practice.  Knowing that we cannot change things can make us feel anxious and stressed out.  In this time of uncertainty, know that you are not alone.  Allow yourself time to sort through your emotions.  If you journal, now is a good time to continue writing down how you feel.  It will help you work through your emotions.  If you don’t journal, now is a great time to start since you probably have some extra time on your hands at home.

Practice gratitude and focus on what is good.  It’s easy to get caught up in the negative news right now, especially if you tend to gravitate towards social media.  It’s easier for us to focus on what might go wrong instead of what might go right.  To counter all the negativity, write down three things you are grateful for.  Take a moment to think about this and be as specific as you can.  Focusing on something positive will help break the negative cycle that you may be caught in.   

Keep in touch with your friends and family.   We tend to focus inward when we are stressed out or worried.  Text your family and friends or better yet, give them a call.  Get outside and take a walk.   There is an old saying – “Get outside and get the stink blown off.”  I always took this to mean go outside and get some fresh air.  But I also think it could mean get a fresh attitude and clear your head.   Connecting with the outdoors always makes us feel better.

Finally, take care of yourself.  When I first started to work from home I felt scattered and anxious.  I reminded myself that I needed to keep a schedule so I set up a dedicated workspace and made a commitment to continue to get up at the same time each morning. I continue to journal, meditate and take walks.  Ask yourself what helps you feel centered?  It doesn’t have to be complicated. Just commit to doing the things that help you feel grounded.  Having a few simple rituals will help you feel calmer during all this uncertainty.

Do you remember Sea Monkeys? 

I saw them for the first time on the toy store shelf when I was about seven years old.  The Sea Monkey package depicted small human-like creatures with fins and crowns.  The directions promised that once the contents were sprinkled into water, these small creatures would instantly come to life. They were alleged to play games, perform stunts and obey commands.   Instant, happy pets in a package! 

I was completely captivated by Sea Monkeys.  I begged my mother for them.  I promised a litany of things in exchange for their purchase.  Cleaning my room, taking out the trash, doing the dishes.  Many promises ensued before we finally left the store, Sea Monkeys in hand.  In the car, I smiled at the thought of having my very own Sea Monkeys while, on the package, the entire Sea Monkey family smiled back at me as they lounged in front of their Sea Monkey sea castle.  

At home, I scrounged around for my old fishbowl and quickly filled it with water.   Enthusiastically, I ripped open the first of two packets and dumped the contents in the bowl.  I had to wait for the next day to add the second packet.  When the wait was finally over, I sprinkled the second packet in the bowl and peered inside.   It took a little while, but eventually, some very small creatures began to show up.

I was overjoyed!  I began planning all the things I would do with my Sea Monkeys.  Games were at the top of my list.  I heard that you could teach them baseball!  I heard that you could train them like dolphins.  I heard that they would listen to my commands.  I envisioned an entire tank of little swimming people doing my bidding.  I wondered how I could get them to help with the chores I had so readily agreed to just the day before.

It wasn’t long, though, before I realized that these little creatures growing in my fishbowl were never going to look like the cute little people on the package.  In fact, the more they grew, the less they looked like them.  I was crushed at this realization.  Gone were my dreams of Sea Monkey baseball and Sea Monkey sea races.   Forget about buying the Sea Monkey treats and Sea Monkey vitamins.  Nevermind about the Sea Monkey Sea Diamond toys. 

I suppose it’s possible that on some level I knew that Sea Monkeys were too good to be true.  Certainly, my mother tried to warn me in the store.  Thinking back, however, I still have fond memories of a time when the possibility of Sea Monkeys existed for me.  Not the little creatures themselves, of course, but the feelings of wonder and enchantment that I experienced.  Of a time where sticks can become magic wands, beds can become boats and blanket tents can become vast castles guarded by knights who strangely resemble teddy bears to on-looking adults.   

Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” 

It is the door to possibility.  It is the ability to dream of new and exciting things far beyond what we know or what we think is possible.  The ability to engage our imagination frees our creativity, ignites our passion and provides hope.  There is no limit to our imaginations, whether we are young or old.   And, we can use it to change our lives or even the world.

We arrived home this weekend after a much-needed trip.  As wonderful as it is to be on vacation, however, there is something deeply satisfying in returning home.  It doesn’t matter where I have been or how long I have been gone the sight of my own front door brings forth a deep sigh of relief and a feeling of belonging.

Like most people, I have lived in multiple places over the course of my life.   Moving from my parents’ house to an apartment, then to a place with my husband, eventually off to a new home in a different state and then to a bigger house with kids, each time recognizing the importance of place. Each time selecting the location that “felt right” and each time finding an attachment there.

As time goes by, I realize just how much I have been shaped and defined in some way at each locality I called “home”.  Always knowing that it was the experiences and the memories that were created in those places that made them remarkable.

If you asked me where my home is now, I would rattle off my current street address. 

But home is certainly more than my address and it always has been.  More than our one-acre patch of ground where at times it feels as if we do almost constant battle with weeds and broken shutters and leaky faucets.  And while those things consume our time our home is more than this.   First and foremost, it is the place where we gather and dream and build and contemplate and forgive. It is a safe haven from the world and its demands.  It is the resting place where we gather our strength from those around us.  It is the jumping-off place for our dreams and aspirations.

Most certainly, it is the space where we can be more of ourselves than any other place on Earth. Without judgment.  Without question.   Where no one watches for our missteps.  Where we find meaning in our lives.  Where connections are made.  Where we greet our friends and family without pretense, sharing as much or as little as we have.

This place we call home is where we take stock of who we are.  And know that it is safe to be ourselves.  It is a place where we can peacefully bow our heads and give thanks. 

While I was on vacation, I spoke with a variety of different people.  I noted that most often after learning someone’s name, the very next question we tend to ask is “where are you from”?  And, of course, the first answer is a physical location.  A town or city.  An address. 

But then, after speaking for a few moments, I noticed that the responses became more personal.  Because we are, after all, speaking about someone’s home.  And home is an intimate place. 

Knowing smiles would soon tug at the corners of their mouths and voices would soften as memories would turn into shared stories.  And even though we were all from different places, we shared the commonality of the love of a place called home.  

I was sitting in sixth-grade algebra when the front office called for me to leave class.  I had an appointment that day so I hurriedly gathered my things and headed outside.  I skipped down the front steps, happy to be leaving school early when I was stopped dead in my tracks.

My mother was there to pick me up.  She waved at me from the parking lot where she sat waiting on her Honda 350 motorcycle.  I groaned inwardly.  Not the motorcycle again!  We never took the car anywhere.  Unless it rained. 

I never seemed to get lucky enough for rain.

With my eyes downcast, I walked as quickly as I could across the front lawn of Central Junior High School, certain that everyone was watching me through the windows.  My mother smiled broadly at me as I approached. “Mother!” I hissed as I got close enough for her to hear me, “why did you come to get me on that… thing?” I gestured toward the bike.  “Why not?” she said not missing a beat, “It’s a beautiful day for a ride.”    I knew that arguing was futile so I took the helmet she handed me and jammed it on my head.

“Ready to go?” she asked still smiling.  “Ready to die.” I thought to myself as I quickly hopped on the back of the bike.  

When you’re twelve years old everything embarrasses you.  But for some reason, my mother seemed particularly adept in this area.  Besides riding her motorcycle around town clad in her white, fringed leather jacket, she also operated heavy equipment at a golf course, trained horses at a nearby stable and absolutely refused to wear makeup.  At times, it seemed to me that she went out of her way to be different.  It was like she actually tried not to fit in.

Looking back now, I realize that there was probably some truth in that.  She didn’t want to fit in.  She wanted, in fact, to be unique.  To be herself.  And, she had the courage to do so.  Regardless of what other people thought.  She did what made her happy.

 We should all feel so unintimidated. 

I tell these stories now with a smile on my face.   Because I know that in her defiant quest to be herself, she ultimately showed me who I could be.  Whether this was intentional or not, I do not know.  But, either way, the results were the same.  I learned that it’s okay to be different.  It’s good to rock the boat once in a while and that it’s more important to do what you love than to do what is popular. 

Have you ever wondered what kind of vegetable you are?  Me either.  That was until I happened across an online personality test offered on BuzzFeed that would tell you exactly that!  Upon completing the test you are assigned a vegetable that has your personality associated with it.

I know this is silly but the interesting thing about it was that when I mentioned it to a group of people at work, suddenly everyone wanted to know what kind of vegetable they were!  Some of them took the quiz immediately.  And, by the time I got back to my desk from lunch, a good number of people knew if they were more like a carrot or a piece of broccoli.  Or, if they closely identified as a mushroom or felt more akin to an onion.

Obviously these personality tests are all in fun but it’s interesting how much we are drawn to these types of tests.  How we crave confirmation of who we think we are.  Even a trivial quiz can make us feel good about how we have defined ourselves.  And, regardless of the results, we tend to focus on the outcomes we like and ignore the ones we don’t. 

One person actually reported to me that she took the test several times in order to obtain a different vegetable status.  And, that’s ok.  We are all individuals with our own special talents but often times we just want to feel normal and fit in with the crowd.   We want to know that we belong. Fundamentally we find that very rewarding.

Besides the fun factor, these tests offer us the opportunity for self-reflection.  A chance to measure our strengths and weaknesses against our goals and aspirations. So, if you are looking for a little insight, feel free to find out what kind of vegetable you are.  I am broccoli, which is known for being “misunderstood”.   I have made repeated attempts to become a Zucchini, however, as I hear they are much more versatile and fun to be around. 

Listed under Notable deaths this week was an iconic basketball player for the LA Lakers.  His name was Kobe Bryant and he died in a tragic accident.  He was only forty-one years old.   And, it seemed to me that the entire world mourned him. 

I did not know Kobe.

And, I started to wonder why it is that we connect so strongly with famous athletes, musicians, and public figures when they die.  Most of whom we have never known personally. I think there are a couple of reasons. 

When a favorite performer, athlete or leader dies it reminds us of times in our lives that we most likely associate with them.  A favorite musician’s death may take us back to our high school prom or our first date.  A famous athlete may remind us of the games we attended with special friends.  In general, they may remind us of the feelings of happiness and hopefulness we had when we heard their music or watched them perform.

I also believe that they remind us of what is important to us.  Possibly the dreams we left behind or the desires we had that have gone unfulfilled.  Their departure reminds us of how short life really is.

So maybe, just maybe, they can also fuel us to reignite some of our own long lost passions and goals.

The interesting thing about the word notable is that when used as a noun, it is capitalized and refers to a famous person.  As an adjective, however, it is a description meaning worthy of attention and extraordinary.

There’s a good chance that most of us won’t achieve notable with a capital “N” but at a very minimum, we should all be striving for the small “n” in life.  The adjective meaning noteworthy, remarkable, outstanding, significant.

Because I believe we all have it in us.  And, there is no better time than now. 

Life is too short to continue to make excuses for why we aren’t following our dreams.  Every time we say “but I don’t have time”, “but I don’t know where to start” we make an argument for our limitations.

And when you argue for your limitations you will win every time.

If there is a cause you care about, a problem you want to solve or a mark that you need to make on the world, the time to be notable is now.

I used to love to play Monopoly.  I’m not sure why because the game would take forever to play and I usually ended up losing.  Nevertheless, I loved to play it and I was obsessed with drawing the “Get Out Of Jail Free” card.  I loved to tuck it under my side of the board knowing that I couldn’t get stuck.  That I always had a way out.

That one card in Monopoly allows us to bypass the system.  It offers us a short cut.

Wouldn’t it be great if we had one of those little cards in life?  A little something that you could tuck into your back pocket that would provide some security if you ever needed help? 

What risky thing would you do if you knew you had a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card?  What part of the game are you not playing because you are afraid you won’t win?  What would you do differently if you had some security in knowing how it would all turn out?

Unfortunately, I have yet to find one of those little cards in life.   Instead, I have found that we must take risks knowing that we might get stuck.  That we might land somewhere that we don’t want to.  And, that there are no guarantees on anything. 

But I have also found that it is in the risk-taking that we find our strengths.  We will all undoubtedly try things that won’t work out but consider those things just one step closer to something that will.  Anything that is valuable requires our time and attention to achieve.

And although it is tempting to take a short cut in order to get where we want to go, this will ultimately cheat us out of the very opportunities we seek to find.  We live a fast-paced life and we think we want to bypass the system but ironically it’s the system that teaches us the lessons we need in order to succeed.  It is only through the long series of bumps in the road, the trials and errors, and the frustrations that we endure that we find out who we truly are. 

Several years ago, while sitting in a hospital room with my father, I noticed a light glowing at the bottom of his bed.  It was a small, red number.  298.  It was his weight.  I was sitting with him in that very same room when he passed away.  I watched him take his last breath and that little red number never changed.  It held steady at 298.

Now, while I am fairly certain that my father would not have been happy knowing that I shared his weight with everyone, I needed to share it to make my point.  That is, when my father passed away, his body didn’t change.  The part of him that was gone was unable to be weighed, seen or measured.  The part of my father that I knew him to be existed in the space inside of him.  Just as we all exist in the space inside of us.

‘It’s the empty space inside the vessel that makes the vase.’

This Zen quote means that we can make a vase out of clay but it is the space within it that makes it useful.  Without the hollow space inside, the vase would not have the potential to hold anything, it would just be a lump of clay.

I like this quote because it forces us to think differently.  It causes us to abandon easy conclusions and take a more philosophical thought path.  It tugs at the possibilities that exist within the space inside of us.  The space where our creativity, curiosity and consciousness lie. 

The space inside of us is where we find our true selves and our true paths.  It is where we find a worry-free existence.  It is where we find true happiness no matter our circumstances. 

Just like the capacity inside the vase, it is also where we will find our usefulness and our potential.

In elementary school, Tuesday was chocolate milk day.  Every other day of the week was run-of-the-mill white milk day.  But oh how I looked forward to Tuesday! Most of the time I would buy two pints of milk that day.  I know it sounds peculiar, but I got so excited about the prospect of chocolate milk.  It was something out of the ordinary in an ordinary week.  It was something to look forward to.  And, this small thing made me happy.

So, what do you look forward to each week?  What brings a ray of sunshine into your day when you are over-worked and over-tired and it’s only Tuesday?  What’s your chocolate milk?

It doesn’t have to be something big.  In fact, it should be something little.    Something small that you can appreciate.  Something that brings you joy.  Happiness isn’t about just the big achievements in life.  It’s about the little things that make our daily lives a little better.  Like the quote says:

“Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things.”

If you can’t think of something that brings you joy each week, you may need to create it for yourself.  

Here are a few ideas to spark a little joy this week: 

Take a walk at lunchtime. 

Handwrite a personal note to a friend. 

Volunteer.

Listen to music.

Read a novel.

Take a yoga class.

If none of these things suit your fancy, try grabbing a glass of chocolate milk.  It still works for me!