Cirque du Bauer

In case you missed it, the circus was recently in town.  Cirque du Bauer opened just two days after the fourth of July.  The show, while not performed under a Big Top, was still quite entertaining as it involved the staining of our deck.  Most of this project was already done, however, what was left was tricky!  Meaning that everything that we couldn’t quite reach, anything that required us to either hang from a precipitous angle like circus acrobats or mandated us to move an extension ladder back and forth like circus clowns anticipating a jumper from a burning tower, was what we had left to complete.

Make no mistake, however, this was a legitimate production.  There were animals, stunt-men, high-flying acrobats, clowns and jugglers!  All of this accompanied by excitement and food!  Everything you would expect at a real circus! 

Let’s start with the not-so-wild-animals.  The dogs.   Smarter than their human counterparts, they refused to venture outside.  While the temperature soared to 104 and the humidity climbed to 100 percent, they stayed safely within the confines of the cool living room.  Periodically, we would try to coax them out of their natural habitat.   Tentatively, they would poke their heads out the back door and then look at us as if to say, “you have got to be kidding me” before ducking back in and sprawling across the closest AC vent.

My husband was part stunt man, part acrobat.  He performed daring acts on the ladder and fearlessly shimmied across the beams on the underside of the deck.  Arms out-stretched, paintbrush gripped tightly between his teeth, he made his way across as I closed my eyes and prayed! The only thing missing was the popcorn!

Next, he and my daughter juggled a 12 foot extension ladder from one side of the deck to the other.  Working slowly and methodically they painted from end to end.  The only trouble they encountered was when I came to “help” them.  Send in the clowns.  Diligently they explained, what seemed to me, a very complicated ladder-moving-process.  I listened intently, then, I grabbed my end of the ladder.   When they went left, I went right.  When they moved up, I moved back.  Apparently, I must be ladder-challenged.  Exasperated and tired of dealing with me they gave me a new job. 

I was promoted to Head of Music Production and Catering.  Basically, my new job was to turn on the radio and get lunch for everyone.  After fiddling with the radio for several minutes, I settled on a classic rock station.  I found the genre fitting as Eddie Money shouted: “Gimme Some Water”.  Dripping sweat in the sweltering heat, I had to agree with Eddie.  I went to get some cold drinks for everyone and was finally able to coax the dogs outside.

Once back on the job, I was allowed to paint the bottom edges of the deck.  I actually managed to paint more of myself and the dogs than the deck.  We now have black labs instead of yellow.  I knew it was time to call it quits when the radio blared Molly Hatchet’s “Flirtin with Disaster”. I decided this was my cue. I turned off the radio and we called it a day. The circus has moved on for now. Until the next project that is.