I felt a sense of satisfaction after working all day in the yard. The grass was neatly edged and mowed and all the weeds had been plucked from the flower beds. I had just turned to go inside the house when I noticed a very large and very wet black lab racing toward me. It was Duke! I hadn’t even realized that he had gone missing that morning. He had a bad habit of sneaking off while we were working.
“Why are you all wet?” I asked him when he got close enough for me to grab him. “Where have you been?” Duke answered me with a vigorous shake from head to tail that left me as wet as he was. I pulled him into the house to dry him off.
I walked in and noticed the little red light flashing on the answering machine. I punched the button on the way by and immediately I heard, “YOUR DOG IS IN MY POND! COME AND GET YOUR DOG!” That was not the end of the message, however, it was merely the beginning. I cringed at each word that followed, “He’s all over my pond! He’s jumping in and out! He’s chasing my fish! Oh my! Oh my! He’s going to get my fish! He’s knocking all the rocks into the pond! The rocks are falling on the fish! Now he’s all the way in the pond! He’s swimming around with his head under the water. He’s swimming with the fish! COME GET YOUR DOG!”
The play by play narrative lasted for several long minutes. Duke and I listened to the entire message, he with his head cocked slightly to the side looking somewhat amused and me with my head in hands trying to decide how I was going to look my neighbor in the eye again. That’s when the second message started. I assume that my neighbor ran out of time on the first one. The second message was basically a repeat of the first message except that the words seemed to be spoken quicker and several octaves higher than before. I don’t think I finished listening to that one.
I decided that it was probably best not to call her back. She sounded furious. Besides, the dog was home now, better to wait it out and let things blow over. The only problem was, I wasn’t exactly sure how long it would take to blow over.
Just to be safe, I spent the rest of the summer wearing a flimsy disguise. I decided that a tattered ball cap and cheap sunglasses were essential upon leaving the house. I even opted for the long way home most days.
Eventually, we just moved to a new neighborhood.
