In high school, I had a friend who was great fun to be around. She invited me to parties, we went shopping together and we hung out on weekends. I always enjoyed spending time with her. The problem was that she wasn’t reliable. She would make plans and break plans. She would propose a meeting time and then show up late or not at all, always with some excuse for why she couldn’t make it.
I had another friend who was a little more regimented. When we got together, things had to be done at a certain time or in a certain way. There was little spontaneity although we always had fun together. And, I always knew that I could count on her. She was dependable and reliable.
When I think about these two friends of mine, I am reminded of the contrast between willpower and discipline.
Willpower is the control we need to complete a task or restrain an impulse. I often hear people say that they wish they had enough willpower to complete a particular undertaking. The thing about willpower is that it is often misunderstood. Willpower comes on suddenly and then leaves again just as quickly. It is much like a powerful wave that rises high in the ocean and then recedes. At times it comes with great force and at other times it recedes so far out that we wonder where it went. It is unreliable and unpredictable. Like my first high school friend, it can be fickle.
Willpower is not a sustaining force; however, many people rely on it. And, when it fails, they throw their hand in the air and say, “It’s not my fault, I just don’t have the willpower.” Here’s a clue; willpower is not your friend. It will desert you when you need it the most.
Your true friend is discipline. Discipline provides us with structure and rules that enable us to live more effectively. Discipline is steady and consistent. When you have discipline, you create habits. When you form a habit, you find that you have a routine. And a routine is something that you do daily with little or no thought.
Like my second friend, discipline is consistent. It is what pulls us through those times when willpower has receded. The power of discipline always outweighs that of willpower. And, when we rely on discipline, we never have to go search for it. We never have to wish for more of it. We already have it. And we can count on it.
So how do we get started with discipline? Very simply, discipline comes from repetition. It comes from doing something repeatedly until it’s ingrained. These small tasks done over time create habits. Whether that something is writing every single day, going to the gym on a schedule, or holding yourself accountable for that thing you want to stop, start or create.
If you really want to achieve something, stop relying on willpower, and don’t be surprised when it wanes. Instead, make discipline your friend. Slowly and steadily create small habits over time. The discipline of creating good habits will pay off in the long run. Once you create a habit it will do the work for you. Habits can make or break you. They can lift you up or drag you down. And habits could care less which you chose, good or bad, that part is entirely up to you. So, focus on creating good habits that will sustain you and ultimately lead you to your end goal.
