Goodbye Bocephus

“When you adopt a dog, you have a lot of really good days and one really bad one.” Unknown

Mom picked you out of the litter of puppies in the back of a pickup truck in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I was disappointed we didn’t pick the puppy with the white mark on its chest but that quickly ended when you spent the whole trip home cuddled up in my lap.

When you get a puppy they warn you how much work it is.  They tell you how much your life will have to change.  They say things like, “He’ll chew up EVERYTHING.” “There will be fur all over your house.” and “Do you know how much vet bills are?”

But you get a puppy anyway and they chew everything, fur covers your clothing and the vet bills are more than you imagined. It doesn’t matter though because every time you try to stay mad at them they look at you with their innocent eyes. They don’t know any better so you teach them the best that you can. They become a member of your family and all those changes you made for them become second nature like you always lived your life that way.  And you never realize how crazy you live life with your pup until you leave a note for the dog sitter that details their every little quirk.

When you get a puppy, however, they don’t tell you how much it will hurt to lose them when they are older. It’s unspoken.  And for the most part, it’s known but you get a puppy anyway. You try to prepare yourself for the day that they’ll pass away naturally or, if you’re unlucky, the day you have to help them pass on to ease their pain when they become sick. Or, in our case, the day you realize you must let them go because they are too dangerous to keep any longer.

As our family goes through this very difficult time I think this is what causes us the most distress.   We don’t want to give up on our dogs.   They’re our family and we’d do anything for them.  Even though we have done everything possible this choice feels exactly like giving up. We tried a number of medications for his aggression, we tried keeping him away from people but nothing seemed to really help him and his anxiety.

We’ve made many statements to help us cope such as, he can be dangerous to others and it’s only going to get worse as he gets older. No matter the reasons, however right they may be, we can’t fight off this feeling that we’re giving up. Maybe that feeling will never change but what I can find comfort in is this: we were able to give him ten very good years, we were able to comfort him when he was scared, and we were able to give him an abundance of love.

The puppy we brought home on the very first day is who I believe you truly are and that’s how I’ll always remember you; a sweet, little dog with lots of love to give.