Rock The Boat

I awoke this morning thinking about all of the things I could have done or should have done as a mother.  All my mistakes and imperfections.  Being a mom is a tough job and there’s no way of knowing if we’re doing it right.  Inside every mother is a woman battling her own fears.  A woman questioning the decisions she has made for herself as well as for her children.  I’ve yet to meet another mom who feels like she has done everything right. 

When I was young, I dreamed of having a mother who would join the PTA, bake cookies, and stay at home.  Essentially, do what I perceived all the other moms were doing.  From my vantage point, this would also entail anything that wouldn’t draw attention.  I called it fitting in.  My mother called it conforming.  No matter what you called it, it wasn’t about to happen.

My mother was content to ride her motorcycle around town clad in her fringed leather jacket.  She held unconventional jobs like operating heavy equipment at a golf course and training horses at a nearby stable.  She absolutely refused to wear makeup and at times it seemed that she went out of her way to be different. 

Looking back now, I realize that it wasn’t just about nonconformance for her.  It was about following what made her happy.  It was about being herself.  And, about having the courage to do so regardless of what other people might think.

I am guessing that my mom has also looked back and worried about the choices she made as a mother.   No matter what kind of mother we have been, we all feel as if we could have done better.  That we may have overlooked lessons.  That we could have listened more when we were preoccupied with all the other things involved in raising a family.  I think that’s just part of being a mom.

However, when I think back about my mother, I really remember who she was as a person and the examples she set for me.  The kindness and empathy she showed.  The laughter she shared with us.  And, the true gift of being who she was without apology.  In her defiant quest to be herself, she ultimately showed me who I could be. 

I believe that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to show them who we truly are.  To share our genuine selves as women with fears but facing them boldly.  As women who don’t have all the answers but are intent on moving forward.  Women who teach our children that it’s okay to be different.  That sometimes it’s good to stir things up.   To live with love and laughter and kindness.  And, to let them know that it’s important to do what you love and be yourself. When we let these things about ourselves shine through, they tend to rub off on those around us.

This Mother’s Day, I challenge you to let your children see the you who chases your dreams and loves yourself unconditionally.   The you who rocks the boat.  And, the you who forgives yourself for not being perfect.   I guarantee that those are the things they will look back on and remember.