The Flip Side of Envy

We had music class once a week in middle school.  I dreaded music class for several reasons.  First, I almost always had the wrong answer to any question that was asked and second, we had to sing out loud.   This terrified me beyond measure.   Furthermore, it was the only class I had with Jill.  Jill was the girl who, when called upon, would always sing out at the top of her voice.   She would stand up and belt out any tune that was requested of her. 

I remember being embarrassed for her in class.  Most of us refrained from drawing attention to ourselves.  Not Jill.  Most of us held back to see how others would act before we acted.  Not Jill.  She appeared to be oblivious to everyone and everything around her.  

Didn’t she realize that she was singing way too loud?  Didn’t she realize that she was supposed to follow the crowd and be like everyone else?  Her defiant refusal to conform irritated me.  What is it about someone who stands out in a crowd that causes us discomfort?  Someone who goes out on a limb, risks it all, dares to be different?

It wasn’t until much later in life that I realized I was actually envious of Jill.  It was not for her singing, however.  It was for her ability to do what she wanted to do.  What she loved to do.   What her heart lead her to do regardless of what others might think about her. 

In my life, I have found that it is much easier for me to pretend that I don’t care if someone else is achieving their dreams while I do nothing to achieve mine.  It is easier for me to stand on the sidelines and judge someone else rather than jump in and do the hard work that I need to do. 

Seeing the success of others can be a painful reminder of our own shortcomings.  But it doesn’t have to be.  We need to trade comparison for celebration.  Trade envy for admiration.  Envy says to us, “I’m not worthy.  I’m not enough.”  Envy leads us down a dark path if we let it.  Envy is fear-based.

Admiration offers us a way to see the light in others.  It helps us emulate the traits we admire in others.  It also helps us to see our own light and act on it.   Admiration is loved-based. 

If you find yourself feeling envious the best way to defeat it is to admit it.  Then, flip it over.  I believe that you will find that admiration is on the other side.