What If?

In May of 2019, I held my breath and clicked the little button marked “Activate” in the upper right-hand corner of my new web site.  I was exhilarated.  I was nauseated.  I wanted to tell the whole world about it.  And, at the same time, I wanted to click the “Deactivate” button and just wait a little while longer.  Wait until I had all the answers.  Wait until everything was perfect.   

There’s simply a dreadful feeling that surfaces when doing something so vulnerable.  When we are overwhelmed by the “what if’s” that weigh us down.  Wondering to ourselves, “What if no one likes it?  What if I fail?”  On the flip side, there’s also something wildly fantastic and freeing when doing something that you love.  Something that requires part of your heart and soul to complete. 

So, maybe all of this sounds a little dramatic, but I had spent months prior to that day gathering my courage.   Slogging through the internet researching websites, domains and hordes of other things that I really didn’t understand.  I worried about the details.  I worried about being good enough. I worried about how long it was going to take to do everything that needed to be done.

Fast forward, one year later.   I am still here creating and posting on my website.  I wish I could tell you that I have conquered all my fears in the last 365 days.  That some evenings I don’t stare bleary-eyed at a blank monitor screen with no clue what to write.  That I am never tired and that I don’t worry about what people will think. 

The thing is, I have wanted to be a writer my whole life, but I must still push myself every day to achieve that goal. Because even though I love it, sometimes it’s just plain hard.  And even though I can’t always see where I’m headed, I must keep advancing, because going back is no longer an option. And, most of all, because the thought of not writing is always way worse than pushing myself to finish what I have started.

I think that at some point in our lives, we all must click the “Activate” button on the thing we dream about.  We can spend a lifetime researching, calculating and weighing the “what if’s”.  Waiting for perfection or all the right answers, neither of which, is likely to appear.

My sister, a very talented artist, is working toward launching a website as well.  And, I know that she has wrestled with some of the same fears that I did, “What if no one likes it?  What if I fail?”  After we talked, however, we both agreed that worse than any of those fears would be the big looming question, “What if I never tried?” 

Unchecked, these “what if” questions run like a never-ending loop in our thought process.  They suspend us in time and keep us from moving forward.   And, if you haven’t noticed, they’re almost always fear-based.  We never say to ourselves, “What if I am wildly successful at this venture?”     

Earl Nightingale said “Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”

Earl was right.  2019 slipped into 2020 and it would have done so whether I started my website or not.  So, let’s use the time that is passing right now to find the courage we need to face our fears and jump into the arena. Let’s find something that we love, something that inspires us and pushes us to be our best.  Even if we don’t have all the answers.  Even if it’s not perfect. It’s time to press “Activate”.